Addendum to THIS
chipotle has increased the price of their Margaritas to $4.25. A 50cent increase. please take note. while i will still deem these “cheap”, Chipotle has been made aware that they are walking a fine line!
kthxbyeeee.
i am a disgrace to the cheap drunk community! and for that…i apologize. i will get back to cheap drink scouting for you very very very very very very soon. i totally promz. ;)
‘til then….
$2.99 for a 6pk at your nearest Trader Joe’s.
Note: you WILL get a headache. ::high five::
photocred: esquire.com
Poor Denny’s Saloon
8020 Boer Ave
Whittier, CA 90606
(562) 695-4090
One night after a happy hour that went on for too long, two of my best friends and I decided to keep drinking since, well, we were already drinking. The more local of my friends suggested a location that would be perfect for ‘Cheap Drunk’. “Have I taken you to Poor Denny’s?” he says. “You never take me anywhere good. Noooo!” As I yell this outloud because my volume goes up the minute something fermented hits my blood stream, I feel judged by the smokers outside the restaurant we happy hour’d at and know instantly that that is where we are destined to head.
As we are walking to our cars, *Jon says, “Ok follow me, because it’s kind of off a major street.” I get excited.
I get lost.
I call Jon and he redirects me. No kidding this shit is off a major road! There is no way anyone would ever notice this bar if they weren’t looking for it. I turn on Boer off of Norwalk and turn left into the parking lot.
I‘m scared.
I call Jon and our other friend *Narisa ,who is also following, and refuse to get out until I have confirmed backup. You know when you’re gut tells you to “Run”….
Anyway, I get out of the car (because I’m devoted to my craft) and let Jon lead the way. The minute we walk in, the room for real stops (I’m not joking) and I kind of like it because I like attention (!) so I decide we will stay. While everyone is staring at us, I can’t stop staring at the decor!! Nautical themed, Jon’s first words are, “Isn’t it just like the love boat?” and I tell him it is not and then we order our drinks.
1 stoli/cran, 1 stoli/diet and 1 beer = $13
Cheap Drunk material it certainly is.
As we are sitting at the bar trying to fit in, we are unsuccessful so I start to take pictures. Diane, the bartender, is exactly the bartender you are looking for when you walk into a dive in a city where ‘dive’ is not code for ‘hipster bar.’ She’s sort of chola, but not so chola that you feel scared to say “Chola” out loud and she’s not thinking about how much you are going to tip her. Diane is there to serve you your damn drink, make sure her man don’t text her nuthin’ she don’t have time for, and make sure no one starts no shit because she’s not afraid to take your ass down. I fucking love Diane.
Diane is definitely 95% the charm of this place. 2.5% is the menu: pizza, wings, poppers, and…CORNDOGS. And 2.5% is the fact that they have a surveillance camera in the parking lot which lets you watch your car while you sit at the bar. (There’s a picture above.)
After Diane tells us some tales, alerts us to our barstool neighbor’s birthday, and then comes out from behind the bar to grind on said birthday boy to the tune of “In Da Club” (in front of a woman who may or may not be the man’s wife), we decide to call it a night on the highest note possible and get the fack out of there.
As we walk out into the parking lot, wave goodbye to the camera, and I get in my car, I know Poor Denny’s will see me again!
And Poor Denny’s did. A couple months later….when Diane had to get real with a man who tried to take a beer “to go” in the parking lot and a biker went crazy on some woman’s trunk.
I can’t wait to go back.
*names have been changed to protect dignities
So since the beginning of time, drunks of ancient histories have been searching high and mostly low for cheap drinks. I know this because even Jesus was sad when the vino stopped aflowin’ and tried to turn water into wine. That’s hot! And desperate. And that’s what cheap drunks are all about.
With that said, here is your first lesson in cheap drinks. Back when I was in college, drinking on the cheap was more important than getting laid. While having a dumb dude you didn’t really want to talk to offer to buy you a drink was probably as cheap a drink as you could get, the price of patronization was too high for me!
My second resort was the local Chipotle. Chipotle calls itself a fast casual dining establishment, which basically means you can’t be so lazy that you will not get out of your car if you want to eat there, but you can be lazy enough to wear pajamas while you pound a beer and a 5lb burrito and not get judged. Here, you can also buy yourself the strongest, probably most worth your money Margarita the loose change in your couch and car can buy!
$3.75 = approximately a party cup of marg
These margaritas are neither skimpy nor weak or watered down. Trust me. These are the best margaritas you will find for the price. There is no information on what tequila they use or how they make these treasures of the aztec gods, but please believe me when I tell you, you will get trashed. They top you out at 3 ( i have tested this and been denied a 4th ) and I encourage you to call ahead before you make a trip out to your local Chipotle because not every location has a permit to sell these cheap drunk drinks.
So the next time you feel the need to taste the tears of a mexican angel, stop by your nearest Chipotle, order yourself a margarita (on the rocks or blended), hand the man an abe lincoln (don’t forget your change), and feel victorious for cheap drunks worldwide!! Victory for the people indeed! Orale.
I was drunk for the last 10 weeks. sorry cheapdrunks. i will get to enabling your alcoholism as soon as i get over this time travel hangover!! Spending the time change in NY then coming back to LA makes it hard for me to do “cheap + drinks” math. you can wait :)
in the meantime, you can browse the “hangover” page over yonder. there’s plenty to keep you relatively occupied until your next pour.
